Dear readers, let’s keep on exploring the topic of relationships. Today, I would like to share my thoughts on how trust in a couple and the expression of spiritual intimacy with a partner depend on the modern mindset.
Women and men who come to my therapy sessions often suffer from a lack of spiritual closeness caused, in turn, by a lack of trust in each other. Let’s take a closer look at what trust is, how it develops, and what the lack of it leads to.
Trust is the basis for any relationship, the foundation for further superstructure. This concept implies openness, and confidence in the decency, sincerity, and kindness of a partner. These criteria provide a sense of security, which is one of the basic human needs according to Maslow’s pyramid. Sufficient trust in a couple allows men and women to move forward, grow, and change for the better.
However, today we face a situation where people who have been in relationships for a long time continue to question whether it is safe to be with their partner. This problem is particularly acute and mostly affects metropolises. Men and women are so afraid of their partner’s betrayal that they are willing to leave everything behind and search for another, or sometimes even give up trying to find their soulmate. Are true values, family happiness, and mutual trust doomed to disappear? Let’s figure it out.
The meeting of two people should resemble the fitting together of puzzle pieces that complement each other, the merging of two souls with similar vibrations. Each of their spaces should be filled with meaning, life, and energy, and the level of spirituality should either coincide or intersect at the right point.
Why is it so difficult to enter into relationships and find love now?
This is because old attitudes, systems, and previous worldviews are gradually dying out, giving way to different, more constructive, and ecological behavior patterns. Today, women and, and that is especially pleasing, men are shifting their focus from their partner to themselves. What does it mean? It means that people are now spending time not chasing after an elusive ideal partner but transforming themselves into that ideal and becoming friends with themselves. It has long been known that the commandment “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” should be read from the end. This is exactly what is happening in the modern world. Love is now expressed in regular body checkups, restructuring one’s life schedule, body training, and spiritual development. Of course, such self-work requires a lot of time and financial investment, but the fruits of this labor are more important than any other achievements.
But then, how can you build harmonious relationships as a couple when the lion’s share of time and energy is directed toward yourself and your needs?
The main thing is not to crush each other, as was previously common in a relationship. It was believed that a man should keep emotions under control, and avoid expressing his feelings very strongly or openly talking about his desires. At the same time, he was expected to earn, provide, protect, and solve all issues for both. Women used this for a long time to manipulate their partners and make them feel guilty if they couldn’t handle one of these roles.
Now, for relationships to thrive, both women and men need to sit down and talk about what concerns them, what is important to them, and what they want from life and each other. Everyone deserves to be heard and understood – regardless of gender, religion, race, etc. A partner should not be a tool for solving problems but can become an integral part of your life for your development and well-being.
I provide my clients with a practical tool to make their dialogue with their partner productive and conscious – therapeutic journal writing. In this journal, a person writes down all the feelings that arise under the influence of various circumstances. It is important to consider not only the situation but also the time when it happens to you and record everything in the journal because circadian cycles affect hormone production and the body’s response. Tracking and recording your feelings, emotions, and thoughts helps you develop an understanding of interrelationships and act accordingly.
Keeping a therapeutic journal is not the only step toward happy and trusting relationships. I recommend choosing one day a month when you can meet with your partner in a cozy café or quiet park and have a civilized conversation about everything important to you. The most important thing is not to show negative reactions so that you can express everything without fear of judgment and misunderstanding.
Communication is the most reliable path to trust on which your future relationships will be built.
Misleading yourself provokes accumulating unspoken words and understatement. It’s as if an uninvited guest in your head is constantly dialoguing with you, and this pulsating point triggers anger, fear, and other negative emotions. The accumulation of such background leads to destructive consequences. It is very important to be open and honest in relationships – this is the key rule.
Relationships should not be about mutual compromises and adjusting to each other; it should be your unique dance where you can freely talk about your desires, and express emotions and feelings without embarrassment or shame.
By maintaining discipline and clarity of consciousness today, you attract similar people into your life. We are mirrors of each other who feel similar vibrations and come together for development and a better future. A person in high vibrations discovers a world full of possibilities, resources, motivation, and harmony. By opening your heart to the world, you gain the opportunity to give love and beauty to your loved ones.
“The biggest diamond is the Sun. Fortunately, it sparkles for everyone.” — Charlie Chaplin.
Text by Dr. Esther Vavilonskaya, Psychologist
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