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“Humans need other humans”, a quote from the film “Solaris” directed by Andrei Tarkovsky, accurately reveals the essence of all our searches, aspirations, and hopes. This is why the topic of relationships will never become hackneyed, boring, or fully explored. Each new generation interacts with each other just like hundreds of years ago, but simultaneously, completely differently.
The basic human need remains unchanged. People want to love and be loved, be interested in someone else’s life, and participate in it as much as possible. I would say, slightly paraphrasing the famous quote, that humans need a witness to their lives.
As time goes by, it becomes increasingly difficult for people to find a partner. This is especially true for those who live in megacities. The main stumbling block for people seeking a partner is the inability to accept themselves and openly talk about their status (single, divorced, widowed, etc.).
Several misconceptions hinder building and, more importantly, maintaining healthy relationships:
- Partners must understand each other without words. No, they don’t. Get to know each other, ask questions and talk, rather than compete in telepathy.
- The partner will accept and adjust to your family model. Each person’s model is different, so it is important to rely not on inherited attitudes but on your feelings and build relationships that will be convenient for both.
- The partner should want sex when the other wants it. After several decades of research, it has been proven that sexual coercion, even in relationships, is violence. Consider not only your interests but also your partner’s desires and needs.
- Partners should spend the lion’s share of their time together. Personal affairs, hobbies, and goals will be left in the basket, and spending time together will turn into routine.
- The partner will definitely change. How many fatal mistakes have been made by people owing to this misconception? A person may never change or may only do so when he or she wants to.
- The partner should not communicate with the opposite sex. If you are overwhelmed by jealousy, it is worth fighting it rather than reshaping your loved one’s circle of acquaintances.
- Harmonious relationships are devoid of disputes. Conflicts and misunderstandings are a huge part of any relationship. What matters is not how you call each other or who contributes more. What matters is whether you both acknowledge your mistakes, how you come to a resolution of disputed issues, whether you can forgive and ask for forgiveness, and whether you can learn from your mistakes.
What is happening now in the perennial question of relationships? Many people are afraid to show their true selves, hiding their problems behind a mask of confidence or even rudeness. Hence the dissatisfaction or incompleteness of the desired picture of their lives.
If a person is single or divorced, he or she tries to dress it up in a beautiful wrapper of self-discovery. This is why this person cannot attract a suitable partner because there is a tremendous difference between “relationships” and “harmonious relationships.” Both men and women of all ages now strive to study this topic from all sides to achieve balance and harmony in relationships with the opposite sex, as well as to find happiness. And happiness, in its turn, is formed from a clear internal desire and specific actions.
If you are currently single, find the benefits of it. Don’t be afraid to say outright, “I am not in a relationship” or “I want to meet my person.” When you talk calmly about your status and position, it becomes much easier to communicate with others. However, to avoid feeling guilty or uncomfortable about being alone, it is important to take some time and work out all the nuances with a psychotherapist.
When you are not fooling yourself and not living in a world of illusions, you have a much better chance of finding your happiness. And you will find what you have been looking for a long time. You will feel joy, fulfillment, motivation, and a desire to give your love to the world.
It is important to stand firmly on the ground, study yourself, learn new things, improve your mental, psychological, and spiritual levels, as well as improve all areas of your life.
My main conviction is that relationships are necessary for everyone, especially for women. Her partner and her family are an inexhaustible source of energy, and necessary hormones that prevent many unwanted health problems (both physical and mental). For a man, family is a source of inspiration, a cozy haven with loved ones who appreciate his efforts and motivate him to achieve greater heights and develop himself.
Reflection on our own decisions contributes to self-awareness and personal growth. By learning from experience, we make more conscious choices in the future. Don’t be afraid of loneliness. It is important to learn to get along with yourself and enjoy being alone with your nature and thoughts. The more you practice, the easier it is to get out of destructive relationships or meet the love of your life.
Remember, you are a shining person with incredible dignity and unique qualities who does not have to meet society’s expectations. Embrace your quirks, passions, and true essence. The world needs your authentic presence.
If you feel like you can’t handle it on your own, it’s worth seeking help from a specialist and undergoing quality and deep therapy.
Text by Dr. Esther Vavilonskaya, Psychologist
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