Read about the simple steps that will help you to stop over-giving and enjoy our cutting-edge daily meditation to move from stressed and drained to vibrant and joyful.
I was ignoring myself for years. Prioritizing other people’s needs while feeling exhausted was my default mode till the last busy season at my company and the grueling project that was an eye-opener and changed my life forever. Despite the severe flu, I had to (or read it as I chose to) work. I continued pushing myself to my limits working full scope, using my raspy voice to manage my team and meet with the client. Every time I spoke, I felt like a knife was cutting my throat.
To my surprise, all I received in return from my management was dissatisfaction with my poor performance. Suddenly a veil of people pleasing was gone, and for the first time in my life, I was able to see clearly: I was heading towards the inevitable self-destruction. I already had health-related issues related to never-ending stress and deep-seated anxiety. Rage started to boil inside me, my heartbeat quickened, and blood rushed to my face. The silence became dangerous. I am done – I said to myself – I am choosing myself. And I did. Liberating myself from corporate chains was the best decision I have ever made in my life. By the way, ever since then, I have never lost my voice physically or figuratively, and no one dares to speak to me in this manner. However, before that happened, I had realized my wound was over-giving and over-committing. Whilst very painful – I knew I just needed time and space to heal.
Behind chronic lack of self-nurture is the fawn response, a term coined by therapist Pete Walker, which describes (often unconscious) behavior that aims to please and appease the threat in an effort to keep yourself safe from further harm. (If you practice links, you may have “fawn response”.
Indeed many people would relate to life being something of the school of hard knocks. As a result, your self-esteem and self-worth take a hit, leaving you always over-giving, overcommitting, and trying to prove yourself, whether in a domestic sphere or work. Everyone knows how exhausting, mentally, and physically damaging that is.
However, not many people know that over-giving and lack of nurturing are passed down from generation to generation. It is woven deep into our subconscious and imprinted in our genes. Historically, women were expected to neglect themselves and their bodies and give to everybody else. They based their value on how well they are taking care of everyone else at the expense of themselves. It has become such a norm that they never even question themselves how to stop over-giving.
Having worked with so many high-achieving women in leadership, I observed the lack of nurture taken to a new level. Everybody wants something from them when they are in a position of power: employees, counteragents, clients, family, children, and the whole world. There is so much giving going on that there is simply not enough space to receive, leading to feelings of loneliness, isolation, and depression.
You may wonder how to stop over-giving and cultivate self-nurture.
Recognize the stories in your subconscious mind that keep you oscillating between what you feel is possible for you and being held back by your patterns. These could include family patterns, destructive behavior, and limiting beliefs. Heal that which is holding you back and transforming your old painful story into your new success story where you take care of yourself first, not last, and holistically nurture your lives, businesses, and families.
Embrace self-acceptance and give yourself unconditional love
Give yourself what you didn’t receive from others when you grew up. Remember, being worthy of unconditional love is your birthright. You are lovable even when you are doing NOTHING. Maybe people around you could not show this to you, but it was never your fault. It was just their beliefs. You have always been enough. You will always be enough.
Give yourself praise and gracefully accept praise from others
I can’t believe how many people find all kinds of excuses why it is not true when given compliments! Talk to yourself in the mirror daily about how wonderful, talented, and incredibly lovable you are. Be proud to talk about your accomplishments in life.
Set healthy boundaries
Find where you are afraid of setting healthy boundaries. Be bold and practice, practice, practice. When you cultivate self-nurture can say no from a place of love rather than yes from a place of fear. Give only when you are resourceful.
No matter how many tasks you have on your to-do list, allocate time to self-care and mark “must be done no matter what”. Daily. It will change your life, I promise.
Allow yourself to receive more
Explore where you can receive more support by delegating and/or outsourcing. Explore where you can receive more joy by doing more of what makes you happy and eliminating those things that drain you. Explore how you can receive more health by feeding your gorgeous body with nurturing, healing foods and keeping fit through sports activities you love.
Incorporate meditation into your daily practice
Please see the link below to enjoy your guided meditation. Meditation is most effective as a daily habit. So listen to this as often as you desire and watch your energy levels rise as you embody peace, ease, and joy.
Receive the support of someone who has walked this path ahead of you
Become a part of the community of high-achieving women in business to charge your batteries regularly and be fiercely nurtured as never before. Join my Fiercely Nurtured Membership to cultivate self-nurture with easy commitment but profound results.
Discover guided complimentary meditation to self-nurture HERE.
Text by Marina Sigalova
Read more SELF-AWARENESS articles HERE